To All You Ladies Out There

Like many of us, I was lucky enough to have been given the gift of being born into a Sikh family. I was raised in a Sikh home, with wonderful parents who did everything for me so that I could embrace the wonderful teachings that the Gurus have bestowed upon us. I was taught kirtan from a young age, taught how to read and write gurmukhi, sent to gurmat camps and Sikh youth speech symposiums.

So what took me so long to get onto the Sikhi path?

I always knew inside that one day I could see myself as a full singhni, but what was holding me back?

As many young girls, I kept my hair until I reached grade 6, when the rest of the girls started shaving their legs. I couldn’t face the teasing or taunting, and so that’s where it began. At school I was accepted by my peers and everything was great. But then I’d go to gurmat camps and hear uncles speaking of the utmost importance of our hair. I was torn between being accepted by my friends at school and the guilt I felt because I had betrayed my Guru. At times I would remember the sacrifices made so that Sikhs could practice freely. Bhai Taru Singh Ji had his whole scalp removed so that a single hair would not be separated from his body. These Sikhs died… and I have removed my hair willingly.

It was always the uncles I heard it from, that the boys must not remove their hair, but where were the aunties who told the young girls, that they are not to shave their legs? It was only until my later years of high school that this issue was addressed. Some of the youth who had been through the same ordeal were talking to the younger girls and acting as role models, yet it was still only a very few.

It has been ingrained into the males that keeping their hair is an integral part of their Sikhi and their Sikhi Saroop. But what about the girls, isn’t keeping their hair an integral part of their Sikhi? As soon as a boy cuts his hair and does not tie the patka or pagh, he is immediately looked down upon. But what about the girl who ‘looks like a Sikh’ on the outside, but beneath those jeans, has shaved her legs?

I was one of these girls, able to fool others because wearing pants and long sleeves covered everything up. Many mothers have failed to instill the love that goes with keeping the gift of our father, Guru Gobind Singh Ji. Not once was I told by a family member that I was a Kaur, and that Kaurs did not cut away any part of herself that belonged to her Guru. However, once I reached grade 11 and began to pluck my eyebrows, did I receive a talk from my parents. “What will others say when they see our daughter has plucked her eyebrows?” It was about what others in the community will think of our family, not about the gift I had destroyed, that I was supposed to protect because it was given to me with love.

I was taught all the practicalities, but not how to love. I knew how to read bani, but did I know how to feel the love it portrayed? Ultimately, you cannot be taught how to love, but you can be shown what love is through role models. It was those few Kaurs who kept their hair that inspired me to stay strong in my faith and to stand by the tenets of Sikhi. I know many Kaurs are out there struggling with the same things that I went through. I hope they can bring out that strength they have within to proudly walk in their Sikhi Saroop.