Inspirational Essay of the Week -- Conversation with Guru Ji

Please note: almost all of this is coming from my heart. Some is fictional, some is based on truth, whether of my life or on those of people I have had interactions with. I have not used many external resources, and thus, I expect many people to find many flaws in this piece of writing. Please forgive me.

I had had a relatively brutal day. It started off so badly. Slept late the previous night, and when I woke up, it was already 10:00. This was the third straight day that I had missed amritvela, and it felt like crap, especially since I hadn’t even started that long ago. My mind was in the gutter, both in feeling and in thoughts. It seemed like I couldn’t go anywhere to release myself from any of the evils. I had so much frustration and so much depression within me, partly due to worldly reasons, partly due to the fact that I didn’t feel I was fulfilling my Guru’s message. The day roamed on at snail’s pace and I couldn’t get anything accomplished.

During the mid-afternoon I gave up. I had tried to keep japping Naam as much as I could but for some reason, I wasn’t getting any piece of mind. I went home, crawled into my bed, and I slept. Upon waking, it was 10:00 at night. I felt refreshed, but only physically, not emotionally, nor spiritually. I got up, realizing how late it was, and went to do some homework. After 2 months of abandoning schoolwork, I thought this would be an opportune time to catch up a bit. Just me, myself, and my homework. Everyone else was either asleep or in their rooms.

I began to do my work. Calculus is a much easier task when no one is around to bother you. Yet despite that, I felt lonely. It was a feeling that I’ve never really felt before, but I felt utterly, hopelessly, ETERNALLY, lonely. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but the comfort of silence was comforting no more. I looked around, staring at my basement door, almost daring my sister to come up and keep me company. She would not come.

So I continued my work, put a Bhai Manpreet Singh Ji CD into the boom box (if I had my way it would be the January Raensabhayee in Smethwick, but my sister stole that CD from me), and kept working. Slowly, I felt better about myself. It being a Sunday night, I knew I was screwed for school tomorrow. I had to get some sleep; otherwise I had no hope of getting to school on time. It was now 1:00.

Without doing ardaas, without setting my alarm, without so much as a second thought, I went to sleep. This is how easy it is to abandon amritvela. I woke up at 10:00 the next morning, and cursed to myself loudly, using some of the worst English swears you could imagine. I was so incessantly mad at myself, mainly for missing amritvela, but also for being late to school yet again! I felt I was useless, hopeless, meaningless, and an utter failure. If I enjoyed doing amritvela so much, why couldn’t I get up again!?

After getting ready, I decided it was worth going to school. After a small, but lengthy breakfast, I finally got to school at 1:00, in time for the last period of the day. Last period was quite uneventful. I came home and decided that this was it. Today, I would do my homework right away, and sleep early to wake up for Amritvela.

Upon finishing my homework, I went for a walk. When I came back, I went to my room and prepared to sleep. After setting all my alarms, after doing Rehras and Sohila and after doing ardaas, I went to sleep. It was 10:00.

I awoke at 5:00, to blinding sunlight and utter darkness at the same time. It was a feeling that was unimaginable. I went to go do ishnaan but I banged into a wall. I couldn’t understand what it was, so I asked Guruji to please remove this barrier so that I could achieve amritvela. After a few more attempts, finally, I was able to break through and went to do ishnaan.

Upon returning and completing Nitnem, I sat in my bed full of an energy never before experienced. I sat at the edge of my bed, and closed my eyes. A few minutes later, I opened my eyes to a sight that was so beautiful it is indescribable.

(Authors’ Note: Indescribable because I’ve never seen Guruji!)

I sat there in utter amazement. I didn’t know what to do or what to say. Guruji knew right away what I was feeling and he asked me:
“What. You are full of wonder and full of shock. You make it seem as if this is the first time I’ve been in this room with you! Don’t you KNOW that Guruji will never leave you? Don’t you know that God is always forgiving, and so, we will also always be with you?”

I was shocked, but so disappointed in myself. So disappointed that I could ever even imagine my beautiful Gurus leaving my side.

Guruji continued. “Even when you were down, we were with you. Every day we would try to remind you that we were still with you. We tried to do it subtly, but simply, we woke you up at 10:00, we made you sleep at 1:00. Guru Nanak is always with you. His jot is always with you, and will never leave you. Every Sikh must understand that despite any bad deeds, Guru Nanak’s Court always forgives, as long as you take the initiative to seek forgiveness!”

I had never felt so happy. Here I was, in the presence of the Physical Representation of Guru Gobind Singh Ji. Here he was, Dashmesh Pita, Shri Guru Gobind Singh Ji!

I felt this uncontrollable urge to go and hug Guruji. I went to reach him, but he seemed to move farther, despite being right where he was. He was still unattainable. I then understood that I had much to do before I could fully be right next to Guruji. He was always next to me and supporting me, but in order to be next to him, I had things to do, I had to improve as a Sikh.

“Japman, the time will come. Guru Nanak’s House is waiting for you. You must become a better Sikh. That is all that is within your power. Keep in mind everything that is a duty to a Sikh. You must help others. You must do your Paath. Most of all, you must love everyone, it doesn’t matter at ALL what you think of them. They are your equals, because they are humans.”

“But Guruji, what about those who slander God’s Name? What about those Punjabis who insist on caste-ing themselves? Those who have absolutely no love for you, but call themselves Sikh?”

“Japman, You must understand the reason those people exist. They firstly exist because they have done their time. God will reward everyone equally, and even if the worst souls have gone through Churaasi Lakh Joonaan, they will still become human. The Punishment of Time will always be rewarded in the end. These people may have also been extremely good people in their previous lives. They have earned their right to get another chance to merge with Vaheguru. You must see that in them.”

“On the other hand, you must also see that they exist to oppose the Lions of Sikhi! They exist, because for how many years, Sikhs have proven that outer influences and outer attackers have proven no difficult task to vanquish. Sikhs were, and always will be the greatest of Warriors! But now the time has come where our inner strength is being challenged. Those who label themselves, as Jatt, Khatri and so on, they are becoming the only real enemy for Sikhi. They are the ones who must be vanquished, not physically, but emotionally and spiritually. Sikhs have proven themselves against outer forces, now the attack comes from within.”

I sat there amazed at the answer. “I understand Guruji. I have another question, however. How come your Khalsa that you created with so much love has become a split of so many different Jathas and Deras? What went wrong!!”

Guruji replied: “Wrong? Who said anything went wrong? Is God’s Hukam ever wrong? Does Hukam not exceed Life and Death, but also Action and Inaction, Dark and Light, Right and Wrong? Listen to me. The reason that humans cannot be with God right from the start is because humans are not perfect. Humans are bound to make mistakes. Everyone understands this. From 1699 onwards, we were so very strong. But then something happened. Something went missing. One element of our fierce power and our incredible power went missing. So what happened then? God would never let his Sikhs parish unless every Sikh had fulfilled his or her duty and merged with Guruji. Vaheguru introduced another aspect of Sikhi. Another Jatha, to keep the circle that is Sikhi’s eternal power complete. Such is HIS Hukam! That when Sikhi, due to corruption, or due to whatever reason, when Sikhi loses one aspect of its incredible JOSH, God replaces it! Jatha’s are not bad things Japman, remember this. The more we fight amongst each other, the more we lose the love that we are supposed to have for each other. And remember. Love is the hardest thing to replenish. Should the element of LOVE be lost among our Sikhs, THEN we will see some serious consequences. Never stop loving!”

By now, I was near tears. The words that I was hearing were so beautiful, so simple, and so IMPORTANT!

“Guruji, I have just one final question”

“Hanji. Ask away!”

“What can I do to fulfill the tasks? What is the first step I should take to become the best Sikh I can be?”

“Take Amrit. The longer you wait, the more regret you will feel. Do it.”

And then came the tears. As I cried for the next while, I realized that slowly, Guruji’s apparition was leaving.

“Wait! Wait Guruji! When can I see you again?” I asked frantically.

“Never and Forever. Always, but Rarely. I am always here. Once you finally realize that I’m always here, then you’ll always see me. I will always do darshan of my Sikhs. I’m always here for them!”

Sorry for the length. Once I started, I couldn’t stop

Japman Singh